Parents and Parenting in Sense and Sensibility

In reading Jane Austen’s works, it soon becomes apparent that the parents of her heroines are either dead, such as Emma’s and Anne’s mothers or the Dashwood sister’s father; absent for much of the time, such as Sir Walter Eliot or Catherine’s Uncle Bertram; or very silly or incompetent, such as Mrs. Bennet or Mr. Woodhouse. In fact, it is not only the parents, but the majority of the adults in her novels that are portrayed in this way. Austen’s main characters are often independent and self-governed, they rely very little on parental guidance. If a child should happen to emulate one of her parents, it usually ends in disaster, such as Mrs. Bennet allowing Lydia to indulge in flirtatious behavior and follow the military around like she used to when she was Lydia’s age, or Mrs. Morland helping fuel her daughters love for Gothic-romance novels. In several of Austen’s novels, it is the daughter who directs her parents- Elizabeth attempts to dissuade her father from allowing Lydia to travel with the military and Anne helps her father to organize his finances. Sense and Sensibility is an Austen novel where the reader can see the danger of faulty parenting and over-indulgence. It also shows a daughter who is forced to sometimes act in her mother’s place and is often the one who makes the important decisions.
The opening of Sense and Sensibility offers the reader sketches of the two heroines and their mother. We are immediately aware of the disparity between Elinor and Marianne and where their mother tends to lean. Elinor has “a strength of understanding and coolness of judgment” and even though she is only nineteen, she is qualified to be the counselor of her mother (p. 24). Mrs. Dashwood is said to have a very eager mind, which usually leads to imprudence, but it is Elinor who counteracts that and brings order and control to the Dashwood family (p. 24). Like her mother and sister, Elinor is affectionate and possesses strong feelings, but unlike her mother and sister, she knows how to govern them (p. 24). In describing Marianne, Austen is also describing her Mrs. Dashwood, whom Marianne takes after. Both are “eager in everything;” both their “sorrows and joys have no moderation,” and despite being “generous, amiable, interesting” neither are very prudent (p. 24). It soon becomes clear that it is Elinor’s wisdom and good judgment that carries the family.
It is Elinor who is concerned with her sister’s sensibility, where “by Mrs. Dashwood it [is] valued and cherished” (p. 24). Because Mrs. Dashwood and her middle child are so much alike, they often encourage “each other … in the violence of their affection” (p. 24). Elinor, too, is afflicted by her father’s death, but “she could exert herself.” It is Elinor who takes over the household duties, such as receiving her family and giving them proper attention and finding a suitable living for them once they leave Norland. And it is Elinor who tries to encourage her mother to do the same. Almost immediately upon opening the book, the reader understands that Mrs. Dashwood is not to be considered a model mother, and Elinor is the one who will act as this figure.
As the story continues, the reader becomes aware of the amount of influence Mrs. Dashwood has on her middle daughter. Early in the novel, Mrs. Dashwood tells Elinor that she “can feel no sentiment of approbation inferior to love” (p. 32), and as Marianne can feel no emotion but in excess, she is the same way. Because they are so similar, Mrs. Dashwood is unable to restrain the feelings and behavior in Marianne that, in the future, nearly cause her death. Once Marianne had met Willoughby, she “abhorred all concealment where no real disgrace could attend unreserved; and to aim at the restraint of sentiments which were not in themselves illaudable appeared to her not merely an unnecessary effort but a disgraceful subjection of reason to commonplace and mistaken notions” (p. 61). Mrs. Dashwood responds by entering “into all their feelings with a warmth which left her no inclination for checking this excessive display of them” (p. 61). In fact, “whatever Marianne was desirous of, her mother would be eager to promote” (p. 137). Had Mrs. Dashwood not been blinded by her own sentiments and had she attempted to exercise parental control over her daughters behavior, especially towards Willoughby, the entire family might have been saved from a lot of pain.
Sense and Sensibility is often considered a novel of the education of a young woman, the story of Marianne Dashwood becoming an adult, but Marianne is not the only character who learns a difficult lesson, her mother is also forced to endure the same education. Once Marianne recovers from her illness her mother realizes that, “Marianne was restored to her from a danger in which, as she now began to feel, her own mistaken judgment in encouraging the unfortunate attachment to Willoughby had contributed to place her” (p. 280). But the reader should not suppose that Mrs. Dashwood has undergone too considerable an alteration, only a few paragraphs later Elinor finds that her mother can still employ her active imagination, which often makes everything more delightful than it is in reality (p. 281). Her first object, to see her daughters well married, is still present in her mind. Although we are never sure if Mrs. Dashwood becomes as sensible as Marianne does by the end of the story, considering the similarity of their minds, it is certain that Marianne’s mother was affected to some degree by her daughter’s distress and brush with death.
Like many other mothers of her time, Mrs. Dashwood is concerned with her daughters future, specifically that they marry well. But unlike other mothers, she is not interested in her future sons-in-law’s fortune or situation, for Edward “it was enough for her that he appeared to be amiable, that he loved her daughter, and that Elinor returned the partiality” (p. 31). And even though Mrs. Dashwood and her eldest daughter differ considerably, she truly believes in Elinor’s merit and wishes for everyone else to recognize her virtues too (p. 31). Despite their disagreements, Elinor shows the same respect towards her mother. When Mrs. Jennings invites the girls to London, she is unwilling to leave her mother until she is persuaded by her to do so. She also refrains from making decisions until after she has sought her mother’s counsel, such as when Marianne wishes to leave London and return home. Even though Marianne would rather go home to Barton, when her mother suggests that she stay in London she willingly submits (p. 184). Although their mother may not always display the best judgment or control over her feelings, her daughters still treat her with respect, value her opinion and appreciate her counsel.
Jane Austen’s stories tend to focus on a young woman who undergoes various trials and experiences before blossoming into a respectable adult. It is interesting that none of her heroines have the advantage of exemplary parents who can offer needed guidance, especially during the most crucial times of their daughter’s development. Like other parents in Jane Austen’s novels, Mrs. Dashwood can offer little assistance to either of her daughters as they experience the trials of love. In fact, Marianne’s mother often only adds to her distress, by encouraging her to indulge in the very sentiments that cause her to suffer even further. Despite the fact that Mrs. Dashwood is the older, more experienced adult she, too, must undergo the same difficult education as her daughters and learn the same life lessons with them. Elinor must often play the role of parent, but her and Marianne still show the same love and respect towards Mrs. Dashwood that she deserves as a mother.